Lately, not much writing. At least, not here.
Elsewhere, it’s a different story. Writing goes on all the time – which is probably why I think I’m writing the same as ever, even if it’s not appearing online.
Once upon a time, a friend asked what I read – and I found it hard to answer at the time. Then I went away and thought about and realised – a lot. It’s just all spread out.
Same with the writing, it seems, just now.
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Emails. Shopping lists. Signing homework reading books. Reminder notes. (The stuff of daily life.)
Form-filling. Messages to extricate myself from commitments here and there. (The season we’re in just now.)
Copious amounts of cut and paste, noting, commenting. (Working my way through other people’s blogs. Hanging on to web addresses, quotations and so on – a digital commonplace book, if you will.)
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Through the reading, and the writing (of the third kind), I am trying to work my way towards something – I just don’t know quite what it is yet.
Wandering around the blogosphere, there are people out there who have found their niche – and are finding that others appreciate it. Which is great – I know that myself, when I’m hunting for things on a particular topic, and find what I need.
I salute this. And yet, I find myself looking on, not sure how to get there.
Back in the days of academic writing, or even school essays, that would be the kind of person who could find ‘their’ subject – and nail it. Why Churchill lost the ’45 election; or a clearly defined area of linguistics.
Turns out I don’t work like that. (At least, not yet. It may come in time.) I’m too taken up with lots of different ideas, angles, hopefully ways of tying it all in.
The kind of essays I liked were the ones which had titles like ‘Death is a frequent element in the play Macbeth. Discuss.’ Not because I was particularly into death, you understand. (I’m sure there are other essay titles that might convey that a bit better.)
Just that I love working on things that are big. Open-ended. The stuff that academic writing becomes less keen on (unless you’re in the ‘life’s work’ category), because there’s too many avenues of enquiry.
But that’s the stuff I love to ponder. And the more I read online, the more it seems that that’s where things are going now anyway. It’s not just the facts. It’s the putting the different threads together, and weaving something new out of them.
What does that mean for writing on the blog? Still don’t know.
That is terrifying – and OK.
I think there may be a few threads that are in there enough: reading, writing, moments (my ‘something that stops me and helps me think’ category).
There’s others that pop up often enough too, when I bring past experience or interests to bear on it (food and travel come along quickly enough when I start reminiscing).
Once upon a time, I sat in a church service where a couple were being commissioned to take up a new role. They spoke about why they were doing what they were doing, how it had happened.
I’ll never forget what the man said (the gist at least, if not the actual words):
‘This new role: it’s using everything that we are, and everything we’ve done now ties in to this.’
That’s the kind of writing I want to do. So forgive me if I’m sidling around a bit (or not here at times).
There’s a big picture out there, and I’m walking round it, trying to work out the size of it. There may be a few sections I already have ideas for.
But there is actually an awful lot of blank space on the canvas. I don’t know what’s going on there – I genuinely don’t.
The trick, then, is to begin, again. Write now. Write away.