I’m a little concerned by health warnings. Always drink responsibly…sounds like you shouldn’t consider stepping out of the door without a bottle in your hand.
The next issue to focus on is gambling, as mentioned by the coin machine shop by my bus stop. Hanging about, waiting for the bus home, I have plenty of time to admire not just their pictures of Elvis on repeat on the screens by the shop window, but also the injunction: “Always gamble responsible”.
This one could of course be a trap by the grammar police – adjective or adverb, punk? – but it could equally be an opportunity for the punctuation secret service. Just one comma, and it becomes the kind of suggestion you expect to come up in an arty film.
The screen flips to show “Always gamble, responsible”. I should take this as my cue to hurl my work badge into the path of an oncoming bus, before diving into a nearby charity shop for a cocktail dress, as the scene shifts to the nearest speakeasy.
Perhaps I should go back to my roots as an English teacher. Does it get any better if I substitute “Occasionally gamble responsible”? Sometimes I know when to fold, but mostly I push the chips forward with the air of a James Bond villain?
However these things get written, I can’t help but think they look more like an encouragement to go ahead with the problem behaviour, rather than to rein it in. Maybe the ad men need some people to lose at gambling, so that they can further increase their earnings on a slogan that doesn’t actually work.
Well then. That’s my “eats shoots” moment done. Next week: stray apostrophes, which I have recently learned are known as the ‘grocer’s apostrophe’. I’m sure there’s a link between fruit, and fruit machines, that I can work on.