October has seen me decide to reboot the blog before.
This time round, it’s probably looking like the reverse.
That’s OK. Blogs come and go, but they can also restart; have a hiatus while the writer is doing something else important, and many more variants.
But I am here. Using words, thinking about them.
But I still want to bait the line with words every now and then; let them float out for a bit.
Sometimes they get a nibble from others, sometimes not. That’s become less important too, although it is nice to know when others like the bait.
I write because I continue to read what others write. I appreciate finding just the right set of ideas to carry me through. I write to give something back.
I write to clear my head. I write to capture a particular set of moments that would otherwise disappear entirely. I write to work through emotions, at times, to find a more constructive response to circumstances.
I write because it’s fun to tap away at the keys; to feel the rhythm of the letters combining, the pattern of sentences flowing. There is a music to words that I become more aware of, year by year.
I write to connect with others. All those other individuals, sitting at home, thinking their thoughts. (I’m betting a reasonable proportion of those are parents, duty bound to stay home, but still wanting to ‘chat’ somehow.)
Sure, the Internet is full of thoughts, and we don’t want to read them all. That’s fine. But we are allowed to think them, and to add our tuppence worth.
I write because it’s me. It doesn’t make me less me to be writing less regularly just now. But I write again to remind myself that this is one of the places where I feel most at home.
I write because there are natural and healthy limits to box sets and Battenburg, even when I’m tired and my mind and body tell me otherwise. Writing soothes a need for peace and quiet, for perspective – for escape, too – in a different way.
I write because I am an introvert, and sometimes I’m too tired to have the conversation for real, with people around.
(Or, equally, because I can get all the words out, in order, without interruptions, because Junior and Mini are in bed by the time the laptop comes out.)
I write because I become more and more convinced how much we need story; how much we rely on it. We can watch TV series, we can follow the sagas of stars in gossip mags (if we really want to), but all of it points back to story.
Story is you and me walking along together, when I write the words and you read them, at whatever time that is. Story is you and me trying to make sense of life – mine, yours, the other lives entwined with our own.
Story is putting one foot up on a stone, and resting on our stick, and saying, ‘hey, I’ve been thinking about this, and…’ It’s making our sign to help others avoid a wrong direction as they follow on their road.
Story is recognising that we are all putting one foot in front of another, day after day, looking to make sense of what is happening to us and around us.
Story is making light of our darknesses (when we’d rather have a streetlamp handy to chase them away). Story is pointing right back at the ones who tell it even better; who help us ponder in a different way.
Story is our tiny details and the big vistas when life drops away in front of us, and we can’t imagine even being allowed to be where we are right now. But we are.
Little and often is where I’d like to be. Little, and not that often, is where I actually am.
But I keep coming back to nibble on some words. To weave some more in my own story; to add some details where I’ve enjoyed another’s story.
And little by little, I hope to keep coming back.